+ 25

The best Jokes about Programming

Two bytes meet.  The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”   The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Eight bytes walk into a bar.  The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?” “Yeah,” reply the bytes.  “Make us a double.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. How did the programmer die in the shower? A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

19th Jan 2017, 8:53 AM
Zohrab Alexanian
Zohrab Alexanian - avatar
7 Answers
+ 28
A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university. After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman’s breast. Woman: Hey! That’s private OK ? The man hesitated for a second looking confused. Man: But I thought we were in the same class.
19th Jan 2017, 9:15 AM
Alex - avatar
+ 20
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None – It’s a hardware problem ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?  Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
19th Jan 2017, 8:54 AM
Zohrab Alexanian
Zohrab Alexanian - avatar
+ 10
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat.  An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” very long pause…. “Java.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
19th Jan 2017, 9:04 AM
Zohrab Alexanian
Zohrab Alexanian - avatar
+ 8
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Have you heard about the new Cray super computer?  It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “I just saw my life flash before my eyes and all I could see was a close tag…” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
19th Jan 2017, 9:08 AM
Zohrab Alexanian
Zohrab Alexanian - avatar
+ 5
@Alex, LMAO
19th Jan 2017, 9:16 AM
Hyun Yee
Hyun Yee - avatar
+ 3
Third one was superb!
22nd Jan 2017, 1:02 PM
Krishna Teja Yeluripati
Krishna Teja Yeluripati - avatar
+ 2
20th Jan 2017, 6:26 PM
Wong Yuan Neng
Wong Yuan Neng - avatar