A Coding Joke 🔥🔥🔥 [See/Share/Smile]

Question

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
Give it a 👍

Answer 1

Four engineers get in a car. The car won't start.
The Mechanical Engineer says: "It's a broken starter"
The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery"
The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline"
The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea. How about we all get out of the car and get back in"

Answer 2

Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs ^_^

Answer 3

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!" The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"

Answer 4

Another one I saw back then:
*In a class, there was a boy and a girl.
Boy: *touches boobs of girl*
Girl: Hey, that's private!
Boy: But we're in the same class!

Answer 5

Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking bitches!

Answer 6

My mom told me to go buy Bread, on my way to the supermarket she called me and said "If they have eggs buy 6"
I did so and returned home...
She's still mad that I bought 6 breads

Answer 7

son: mom,how come computers 💻are so smart?
mom: bcoz they listen to their mother boards👵

Answer 8

CIA – Computer Industry Acronyms
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can’t See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You’re Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well

Answer 9

these jokes are really dope. Here's mine: I went to see a friend who spends 18hrs a day streaming the web and never leaves his computer, I told him: "Sammy u really got to kw there's a life outside the web"
Sammy: "send me the link".

Answer 10

BREAKING NEWS
Bill Gates has resigned as the ‘Chairman of Microsoft’ after receiving an email from Rajinikanth. It reads:
Saar,
I have some questions for you…. Please yanswer them:
Namba wan) The keyboard alphabets are not in order, when will you launch the correct version?
Namba too) There is yeh ‘Start’ button… but no ‘Stop’ button… Rascalaa, where it is?
Namba tree) I have already learned Microsoft Word, when are you “laanching” Microsoft Sentence?
Namba for) There is yeh Recycle bin… but…there is nobody coming to collect that bin. Why???
Your name is Bill… But in India they orr selling computers without Bill… Why???
Yand finally yeh personal question:
Your surname is Gates… But you are selling Windows… Why??
With Regards,
Rajinikanth

Answer 11

Husband: Bring me a damm beer woman!
Wife: Hell no! Get your own beer!
Husband: Sudo Bring me a damm beer woman!
Wife: Here you go Honey 🍺

Answer 12

an optimistic says
"the glass is half-full"
an pessimistic says
"the glass is half-empty"
the programmer says
"the glass is twice as large as necessary"

Answer 13

There are 10 kinds of people in the world - Those who understand binary and those who don't.

Answer 14

Q: How can you tell if two functions had a breakup?
A: They stop calling each other

Answer 15

My teacher asked me one day, What do you mean by “Variable”? I said: the value of a variable can change within a program. The other asked, What do you mean by “Constant”? I said: the value of constant can’t be changed. Another question was, What do you mean by “Constant Variable”.

Answer 16

Who said programming is boring?😱
Those who can't understand programming JOKES.😂

Answer 17

Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Answer 18

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.😂

Answer 19

@Gavin: su -c "Bring me a damn beer woman"
(inside joke)
Programmers designed the floor numbering scheme in Europe:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Storey#Numbering?_e_pi_=7%2CPAGE_ID10%2C9722316768
When my boyfriend asked me what colour dress I was wearing to our school dance, I said, "0000A1".
You've all heard, "Programmers don't die, they gosub without return" I assume.
Programmers don't travel, they goto destination.
Why do coders make good cashiers? They're familiar with registers.
My mom asked me to give her the salt so I said something totally random.
You know you've been coding too long when you end sentences with ";" or letters with "}".
You know you're a programmer when your coffee's always cold, your girlfriend/boyfriend is a game character, and you've forgotten what the sun looks like.

Answer 20

shit!!!!
Reinstalled windows without software backups now i have to again download Chrome from internet explorer...